Summer Movie Suicide Mission Homepage

The 2009 Master List

Back For More

1. X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Director: Gavin Hood
Stars: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Lynn Collins, will.i.am, Danny Huston, Ryan Reynolds

Viewing situation: Opening day matinee, near full house; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 2
Rotten Tomatoes average: 37%

2. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Director: Mark Waters
Stars: Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Michael Douglas, Emma Stone, Lacey Chabert, Breckin Meyer

Viewing situation: Weekend matinee, half full house; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 5
Rotten Tomatoes average: 31%

3. Battle for Terra

Director: Aristomeneis Tsirbas
Stars: Brian Cox, James Garner, Evan Rachel Wood, Justin Long, David Cross, Dennis Quaid, Amanda Peet, Luke Wilson

Viewing situation: Weekday matinee; shockingly not alone.
My grade (out of 10): 1
Rotten Tomatoes average: 46%

4. Star Trek

Director: J.J. Abrams
Stars: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Eric Bana, Zoe Saldana, John Cho, Simon Pegg, Anton Yelchin, Bruce Greenwood, Leonard Nimoy, Karl Urban, Winona Ryder

Viewing situation: Weekday late evening, small crowd; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 8
Rotten Tomatoes average: 95%

5. Up

Director: Pete Docter
Stars: Ed Asner, Christopher Plummer, Jordan Nagai, Bob Peterson, Delroy Lindo, John Ratzenberger

Viewing situation: Weekend afternoon, full house; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 10
Rotten Tomatoes average: 98%

6. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

Director: Shawn Levy
Stars: Ben Stiller, Amy Adams, Owen Wilson, Hank Azaria, Steve Coogan, Christopher Guest, Robin Williams, Ricky Gervais, Bill Hader

Viewing situation: Weekday afternoon, medium crowd; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 2
Rotten Tomatoes average: 44%

7. Dance Flick

Director: Damien Dante Wayans
Stars: Shoshana Bush, Damon Wayans Jr., Chelsea Makela, Brennan Hilliard, Amy Sedaris, Chris Elliott, David Alan Grier, Essence Atkins

Viewing situation: Weekday afternoon, me, two teenagers and their baby; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 4
Rotten Tomatoes average: 27%

8. The Hangover

Director: Todd Phillips
Stars: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Heather Graham, Mike Epps, Jeffrey Tambor, Justin Bartha, Ken Jeong, Rachael Harris, Sasha Barrese

Viewing situation: Weekday afternoon, packed house of stoner college students; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 8
Rotten Tomatoes average: 78%

9. Drag Me to Hell

Director: Sam Raimi
Stars: Alison Lohman, Justin Long, Lorna Raver, Dileep Rao, David Paymer

Viewing situation: Weekday afternoon, small crowd; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 7
Rotten Tomatoes average: 93%

10. The Brothers Bloom

Director: Rian Johnson
Stars: Rachel Weisz, Adrien Brody, Mark Ruffalo, Rinko Kikuchi, Maximillian Schell, Robbie Coltrane

Viewing situation: Weekend evening, small crowd; standard projection
My grade (out of 10): 10
Rotten Tomatoes average: 63%

11. Angels and Demons

Director: Ron Howard
Stars: Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer, Ewan McGregor, Stellan Skarsgard

Viewing situation: Weekday matinee, medium crowd; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 5
Rotten Tomatoes average: 37%

12. Terminator Salvation

Director: McG
Stars: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Bryce Dallas Howard, Anton Yelchin, Moon Bloodgood, Common, Helena Bonham Carter

Viewing situation: Weekday matinee, medium crowd; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 3
Rotten Tomatoes average: 33%

13. Land of the Lost

Director: Brad Silberling
Stars: Will Ferrell, Anna Friel, Danny McBride, Jorma Taccone, Matt Lauer

Viewing situation: Weekday matinee, small crowd; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 4
Rotten Tomatoes average: 28%

14. Imagine That

Director: Karey Kirkpatrick
Stars: Eddie Murphy, Yara Shahidi, Thomas Haden Church, Nicole Ari Parker, Martin Sheen

Viewing situation: Weekday matinee, small crowd; digital projection
My grade (out of 10): 6
Rotten Tomatoes average: 43%

The 2008 Master List

An Introduction

1. Speed Racer

Director: Larry and David Wachowski
Stars: Emile Hirsch, Susan Sarandon, Christina Ricci, John Goodman

Viewing Situation: Weekend matinee, mostly empty; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 35%
My Grade (Out of 10): 3

2. What Happens In Vegas

Director: Tom Vaughan
Stars: Ashton Kutcher, Cameron Diaz, Rob Corddry, Lake Bell, Dennis Miller

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, 6 audience members; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 29%
My Grade (Out of 10): 3

3. Iron Man

Director: Jon Favreau
Stars: Robert Downey, Jr., Terrence Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges

Viewing Situation: Weekend matinee, 3/4 capacity, one snorer; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 93%
My Grade (Out of 10): 8

4. Made of Honor

Director: Paul Weiland
Stars: Patrick Dempsey, Michelle Monaghan, Kevin McKidd, Sydney Pollack

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, solo engagement; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 12%
My Grade (Out of 10): 1

5. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Director: Andrew Adamson
Stars: Ben Barnes, Georgie Henley, William Moseley, Peter Dinklage, Warwick Davis

Viewing Situation: Weekday evening, medium crowd; standard projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 65%
My Grade (Out of 10): 4 

6. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Director: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchette, Karen Allen, Shia LeBeouf, Ray Winstone

Viewing Situation: Weekend matinee, crowded; standard projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 78%
My Grade (Out of 10): 6

7. Sex and the City

Director: Michael Patrick King
Stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Chris Noth, Jennifer Hudson

Viewing Atmosphere: Weekend evening, crowd full o’ladies; standard projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 54%
My Grade (Out of 10): 6

8. The Strangers

Director: Bryan Bertino
Stars: Liv Tyler, Scott Speedman

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, small audience; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 42% 
My Grade (Out of 10): 7

9. Kung Fu Panda

Directors: Marc Osbourne, John Stevenson
Stars: Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogen, David Cross, Lucy Liu, Ian McShane

Viewing Situation: Weekend matinee, crowded theater, lots of kids; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 88%
My Grade (Out of 10): 8 

10. You Don’t Mess With the Zohan

Director: Dennis Dugan
Stars: Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chiriqui, Rob Schneider, Michael Buffer, Nick Swardson

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, few attendees, assholes; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 34%
My Grade (Out of 10): 6

11. The Love Guru

Director: Marco Schnabel
Stars: Mike Myers, Jessica Alba, Romany Malco, Justin Timberlake, Verne Troyer, John Oliver, Stephen Colbert, Jim Gaffigan, Ben Kingsley

Viewing Situation: Advance screening, weeknight, full house; standard projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 15%
My Grade (Out of 10): 5

12. The Happening

Director: M. Night Shyamalan
Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, small crowd; standard projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 19%
My Grade (Out of 10): 0

13. Get Smart

Director: Peter Segal
Stars: Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway, Dwayne Johnson, Alan Arkin, Terence Stamp, James Caan

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, small crowd; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 52%
My Grade (Out of 10): 3

14. The Incredible Hulk

Director: Louis Leterrier
Stars: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth, William Hurt, Lou Ferrigno, Tim Blake Nelson

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, half full; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 68%
My Grade (Out of 10): 7

15. WALL-E

Director: Andrew Stanton
Stars: Ben Burtt, Elissa Knight, Fred Willard, Jeff Garlin, Kathy Najimy, Sigourney Weaver, John Ratzenberger

Viewing Situation: Weekend matinee, half full house; standard projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 97%
My Grade (Out of 10): 10

16. Hancock

Director: Peter Berg
Stars: Will Smith, Charlize Theron, Jason Bateman

Viewing Situation: Weekend matinee, large crowd; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 37%
My Grade (Out of 10): 4

17. Journey to the Center of the Earth

Director: Eric Brevig
Stars: Brendan Fraser, Josh Hutcherson, Anita Briem

Viewing Situation: Weekday evening, crowded theater; digital 3D
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 60%
My Grade (Out of 10): 3

18. Wanted

Director: Timur Bekmambetov
Stars: James McAvoy, Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman, Terence Stamp, Common

Viewing Situation: Weekend matinee, half full; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 72%
My Grade (Out of 10): 3

19. Meet Dave

Director: Brian Robbins
Stars: Eddie Murphy, Elizabeth Banks, Scott Caan, Ed Helms, Gabrielle Union, Mike O’Malley, Judah Friedlander

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, me, drunk teens; standard projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 21%
My Grade (Out of 10): 1

20. Mamma Mia!

Director: Phyllida Lloyd
Stars: Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgard, Amanda Seyfried, Christine Baranski

Viewing Situation: Only gentleman in a half full audience; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 53%
My Grade (Out of 10): 4

21. The Dark Knight

Director: Christopher Nolan
Stars: Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Aaron Eckhart, Gary Oldman, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman

Viewing Situation: Weekday evening, full house; standard projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 94%
My Grade (Out of 10): 9

22. Space Chimps

Director: Kirk Di Micco
Stars: Andy Samberg, Cheryl Hines, Patrick Warburton, Jeff Daniels

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, 3 people, one child, one mother in the lobby on her cell phone; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 33%
My Grade (Out of 10): 3

23. Step Brothers

Director: Adam McKay
Stars: Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Richard Jenkins, Mary Steenburgen, Adam Scott

Viewing Situation: Weekday evening, half crowd; standard projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 51%
My Grade (Out of 10): 6

24. Pineapple Express

Director: David Gordon Green
Stars: Seth Rogen, James Franco, Gary Cole, Rosie Perez, Craig Robinson, Kevin Corrigan, Danny P. McBride

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, half full; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 68%
My Grade (Out of 10): 7

25. Swing Vote

Director: Joshua Michael Stern
Stars: Kevin Costner, Madeline Carroll, Paula Patton, Kelsey Grammer, Dennis Hopper, Nathan Lane, Stanley Tucci

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, 3 audience members; standard projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 40%
My Grade (Out of 10): 2