In which one man attempts to view every summer blockbuster for the entire season, regardless of taste, genre, or yo-yos that hit you in the face.
All that’s wrong with Journey to the Center of the Earth, in bullet points:
- Brendan Fraser, action star. I can deal with Brendan Fraser, unfrozen neanderthal, Brendan Fraser, maladjusted man-child, or even Brendan Fraser, plastic gun toting heavy metal singer. But no way am I ever willing to accept him as an action hero. In Journey, Fraser bumbles, as is his forte, but pulls it together to save the day. Yet his face is tailor-made for screwball comedy, and I get the feeling that he hasn’t earned a reputation as a leading man so much as the public has been bullied into believing he is one. In this film Fraser provides one of the least appealing lead performances I’ve seen this summer. And you already know how I felt about Patrick Dempsey.
- Brendan Fraser, scientist. Different concept; same rules apply. Fraser has built such a track record of playing morons, that he’s impossible to believe as a member of the scientific community. And the writing here doesn’t do him any favors. In an early scene, we’re expected to believe that Professor what’s his name, a leading geologist, would have to wrack his brain to remember some of the more basic elements in the periodic table. Though Fraser is such a dolt, he actually almost pulls that part off.
- If you’re going to adapt a book, adapt a book. Journey is not a straight adaptation of the Jules Verne classic. It deals with a fictitious cult of scientists that believe the novel is more than a work of fiction, and that the world Verne described is real. And, wouldn’t you know, it turns out it is! And Fraser, his nephew, and the daughter of a like-minded geologist who also happens to be a mountain guide, end up trapped in it. Super. Why not just give us a straight retelling of the original story? The same effects could have been used, and we wouldn’t have had to concoct a razor thin plotline around them as an excuse to inhabit an already richly drawn universe.
- Hollywood, I hate it when you insult my intelligence. Or the intelligence of your ten year old target audience, for that matter. This movie is so profoundly stupid, I can’t even bring my self to tick off the laundry list or problems. Suffice it to say that it’s not suitable for anyone with a measurable IQ. Perhaps babies may like this film; I can’t be sure. But anyone old enough to have the word “sucks” in their vocabulary will likely go right ahead and use that modifier.
- When I can’t control my laughter, it does not necessarily mean that I approve of what I’m seeing. Sometimes it just means that what you’re showing me is so ludicrous as to preclude any other response. I’ve enjoyed myself at your expense. You can thank me later for the extra two bucks for the 3D glasses.
And what went right:
- 3D is kind of awesome. It was immensely fun at times when the 3D effects were in full force, and I applaud the filmmakers for using the technology, which is much better now than I can remember. But I don’t hold out too much hope that 3D will be used for many movies that will attempt to be any more than a showcase for the technology. Maybe someday a film with a creative plot will make use of 3D, but films like Journey aren’t going to do a whole lot to legitimize the form.
- The two guys sitting next to me, making catty comments and likely enjoying the benefits of some wonderful and mind-expanding drug. You guys made my day. If only I’d had as much fun as you. You can sit next to me anytime.
Film: Journey to the Center of the Earth
Director: Eric Brevig
Director: Eric Brevig
Stars: Brendan Fraser, Josh Hutcherson, Anita Briem
Viewing Situation: Weekday evening, crowded theater; digital 3D
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 60%
My Grade (Out of 10): 3
Next Up: Wanted
