Summer Movie Suicide Mission No. 11: The Love Guru

In which one man attempts to view every summer blockbuster for the entire season, regardless of taste, genre, or cotton candy that’s shaped like facial hair.

From one late period SNL star vehicle to the next. Mike Myers applies the Austin Powers formula to a new character, an American-born, Indian-educated romance expert named Guru Pitka. In The Love Guru, Myers’s title character is charged with reuniting hockey player Romany Malco with his girlfriend, without whom Malco is unable to perform on the ice. Myers must pry Malco’s girlfriend away from rival hockey player Justin Timberlake (as Jacques “Le Coq” Grande; guess what part of his anatomy provides the humor), whose Los Angeles Kings will shortly be playing Malco’s Toronto Maple Leafs (coached by Verne Troyer and owned by Jessica Alba, Myers’s love interest) for the Stanley Cup. If Myers can seal the deal, he’ll get the Oprah appearance he’s been longing for; if not, his place on the show will go to Deepak Chopra, who plays himself.

I saw The Love Guru at an advance screening at the Ritz East in Philadelphia, which, besides being one of my favorite theaters, also enabled me to take the Suicide Mission across state lines. It also provided an atmosphere unlike any I’ve experienced yet, being a packed house full of people who got to see a movie for free. No matter what, I wasn’t going to be cheated on this one. The crowd was treated pregame to some Myers-related trivia courtesy of Philadelphia’s WMMR-FM (sample question: “What country is Mike Myers from?” A real challenge, for sure. Judging from this film, I certainly wouldn’t have guessed India, as Myers’s accent is patently ridiculous).

Of course the big question about The Love Guru is whether it would be racist, as one Indian group had heavily protested the film. I didn’t find that to be the case. The Guru Pitka character was so silly as to make such complaints easily dismissible. The film doesn’t make light of any religious traditions or icons. Not that mainstream America really knows enough about the Hindu faith to observe any racism anyway; one gentleman behind me seemed to think the Guru’s Ashram was a play on the words “ass ram.” It’s really just a stupid guise, a silly costume for the star to wear. The real complaints should have come from people with dwarfism, as Myers reaches deep into his bag of midget jokes at Troyer’s expense.

In that sense, at least, some of the comedy was certainly in bad taste. There were also a number of jokes that involved people being hit in the balls, which should really offend anyone with a good sense of humor. Sure a cleverly placed family jewels gag can be hysterical (as can a cleverly placed fart gag), but you’ve got to pick your spots. Myers just throws them around indiscriminately.

That all being said, The Love Guru did have some good belly laughs in it, a disproportionate amount coming from Timberlake’s French-Canadian caricature, and a supremely funny Bollywood fantasy sequence. But the audience did get a glimpse in this film at Myers’s legendary megalomania. He brought together some great comedic minds like Malco, Stephen Colbert, Jim Gaffigan and John Oliver, but doesn’t really give them any jokes. I think this is the first time someone has managed to make Colbert unfunny. Myers need for face time, and his constant camera mugging (which spelled big laughs when it was fresh in Wayne’s World and Austin Powers), works to his film’s detriment this time around. Say what you will about stars like Adam Sandler or Will Ferrell, but they always give their supporting cast a chance to shine. Whether the co-stars make the jokes work or not is up to them, but at least they get the opportunity. Myers’s ego makes him put the whole film on his shoulders. While some of his jokes work in Guru, more often than not they fall flat. If he were a little more democratic, his film might have been much better.

But the crowd pretty much ate it up. I was surprised to see that it made so little in its opening weekend, finishing in fourth place. It was definitely worth my price of admission anyway. Was it worth my time? I think so. I enjoyed it much more than I expected, given that I expected not to enjoy it at all. I’ve talked about the way that expectations can effect the moviegoing experience, and The Love Guru qualifies reservedly as a pleasant surprise. I saw enough in it to believe that Myers can still be a good performer; despite all the problems here, he has a captivating screen presence that can work if his instincts can be toned down a notch. He just has to get out of his own head first.

Film: The Love Guru
Director: Marco Schnabel
Stars: Mike Myers, Jessica Alba, Romany Malco, Justin Timberlake, Verne Troyer, John Oliver, Stephen Colbert, Jim Gaffigan, Ben Kingsley

Viewing Situation: Advance screening, weeknight, full house; standard projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 15%
My Grade (Out of 10): 5

Next Up: The Happening 

Summer Movie Suicide Mission No. 10: You Don’t Mess With the Zohan

In which one man attempts to view every summer blockbuster for the entire season, regardless of taste, genre, or Jewfros.

I was surprised when I left my matinee screening of You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, the latest shlockfest from Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison production house, that there was still an Israeli-Palestinian conflict going on. I thought if anyone could end that centuries-old madness in the Middle East, it would be Sandler. Sadly, I was wrong.

It’s not like Sandler and his co-screenwriters Judd Apatow and Robert Smigel didn’t try. It’s just that hairdressing and hackysack might not the ideal arenas in which to exemplify such a camaraderie.

Zohan is certainly the most satirical picture Sandler has made since he became a top box office draw after his Saturday Night Live stint. And it was a well-meaning effort indeed, masked as it is in a steady diet of dick jokes. Sandler’s title character is a top Israeli commando, who becomes disillusioned with the militaristic life and the trappings of a never ending conflict where both sides refuse to give any ground. So he escapes to New York City to follow his dream of becoming a hairdresser. There he begins to exercise his trade, falls for the Palestinian woman who owns his shop (newcomer Emmanuelle Chiriqui), and is hunted down by his nemesis from the old country (John Turturro). When Sandler comes to realize that an evil real estate tycoon (played by famed boxing announcer Michael Buffer) is using the deep-seeded resentment in a mixed Muslim/Jewish neighborhood to get the locals to default on their properties so Buffer can build a new mini-mall, Sandler unites the groups against a common enemy, proving that we can all just get along, after all. Especially when a plastic-faced Mariah Carey shows up to help.

That was a mouthful, but inside my run-on sentences lies a pretty straightforward and earnest plot full of dick jokes, fart jokes and gay jokes. Lots and lots of gay jokes. But I laughed a whole bunch. Out loud even, in spite of myself. 

There are probably hundreds of stupid comedies that are released every year, and I only ever see a handful of them. But from that sample, what I notice is that a great deal of the laughs (or intended laughs, anyway) are mean spirited, petty, and easy. Sandler’s comedy functions pretty well here because the jokes are mostly in good spirits. Whether this film carries any satirical weight is up for dispute, but I can’t deny that the writers truly mean well. The mean humor here is intended for the characters who really deserve it. Sandler’s affable personality allows his films that measure of good nature, even when some of the jokes fall flat. Juvenile as it may be, at least it’s all in fun. (I understand, and agree, that I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry can be seen as a huge exception to this rule, but even in that film Sandler’s character operated as an example of how not to behave.)

Sandler, like a lot of prominent comedians with a flurry of star vehicles to their credit, knows who his audience is. For the most part, he chooses to play to their ideals, and not their baser instincts.

Good on ya, Adam. I may not love your movies, but I can at least give you that.

A Note on Assholes

On a side note, I saw You Don’t Mess With the Zohan at a late Friday matinee that was sparsely attended. There were a few couples, a group of college age students, and what looked like a large family on an after school outing.

To that family, if you’re reading this you know how to read, please, when you go to the movies, act like you’ve fucking been there before. Adults, shut up. There is no excuse for talking through a movie. If you must talk (and god knows I understand that sometimes during a film, we simply must make a sarcastic comment to our neighbor), do it in a whisper. You are setting a bad example for your children, who will never learn proper theater etiquette with you around.

Also, four buckets of popcorn constitute an excessive amount of food for a six person party. Enjoy your type two diabetes.

Film: You Don’t Mess With the Zohan
Director: Dennis Dugan
Stars: Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chiriqui, Rob Schneider, Michael Buffer, Nick Swardson

Viewing Situation: Weekday matinee, few attendees, assholes; digital projection
Rotten Tomatoes Average: 34%
My Grade (Out of 10): 6

Next Up: The Love Guru